By Dr. Ruth Anderson

As a spiritual counselor, I learn something every time I meet with a client. My time with Ann was no exception, but this time the lesson was provided by the spirit of her deceased son.

Before Ann arrived for her session, I looked at her energetically. I saw that she had an impenetrable block around her heart. Having never met her, I didn’t know what caused it, but I knew that this was the reason for our meeting. I welcomed Ann, and she was crying within our first five minutes together. Our time was heart-wrenching, yet beautiful.

Her son, Tyler, had taken his life a year prior and Ann wore the pain and guilt as if it were a piece of clothing that she never took off. By the end of our session, however, with the help of Spirit, Ann was able to experience a paradigm shift—one that embraced reframing Tyler’s suicide.

Tyler’s Life and Tyler’s Spirit

As an intuitive, Ann felt Tyler’s presence often, but somehow it didn’t lessen her sorrow. During our session, Tyler joined us in spirit. He did a beautiful job of communicating freely with his mother, and Ann did an outstanding job of bravely looking at her pain.

Tyler was quite clear he did not want Ann to spend time wallowing in guilt or grief about how his life ended. He explained that there was nothing she could have done to stop him. Had she been able to intervene the day it happened, it was just a matter of time before he would have succeeded in taking his life.

Tyler alluded to the public perceptions and embarrassment associated with suicide. He did not want the family speaking of him in hushed tones or having the memories that his siblings and friends shared pushed under the rug as if he never existed.

Tyler’s countenance appeared strong and uncomplicated, with no lingering mental health confusion or angst. It was clear to me that there was a distinct separation between the troubled earthbound version of Tyler and this healthier presence of him in spirit.

Tyler continued that his life should not be remembered as his death, but for the amazing qualities that he brought to the table when he was at his best. His collective life meant so much more than his periods of despair and angst. It was not fair to reduce his memories to only those of dysfunction.

I asked Ann to tell me the positive attributes that she appreciated the most about her son. She had no problems coming up with funny, love-filled anecdotes. Tyler had an uncanny ability to connect with people and lived more adventures during his 29 years than many others who had more years on the planet. She laughed and smiled as she shared stories of their traveling together. We talked about her focusing on positive attributes when discussing Tyler. Just that shift alone seemed to lighten the emotional load that Ann was carrying.

We looked again at the energetic protection around her heart space. I saw that there was beginning to be a movement of energy in the blockage. As she was able to shift her paradigm from embarrassment about her son’s death to embracing her son’s life, the protection around her heart space began to melt away. All that was left was a mustard-colored core nugget of pain, about the size of a large marble. I described what it looked like to Ann. After a few minutes, she was able to bravely tell me that it was representing the guilt that she felt. Only an unloving, ineffective (fill in your adjectives here) mother would have a child end his own life.

A Moment in Time Does Not Define a Lifetime

Ann was tired of feeling the pain and frightened of feeling more overwhelming grief. Tyler continued lovingly to counsel his mother. Tyler explained that by her holding onto guilt for the actions that he took, she was trying to take power and responsibility for his actions. The steps he took were all his doing. It was not in her purview to try to take that power from him. Ann was able to hear Tyler’s words and realized that the guilt was not hers to own, nor was it serving her.

By reframing suicide, showing her that there was nothing she could have done, and showing her where her pain was coming from, the nugget dissolved. It was gone. I still saw some residue around her heart space which symbolized her desire not to give up permission to cry. Absolutely, I understood. But I asked her to promise that when it no longer felt good to wallow in crying, that she then redirect herself to think something positive about Tyler and then spend time doing something that would connect her to him in spirit.

If you have been living under the stifling societal perceptions regarding suicide, Tyler, Ann, and I encourage you to embrace a paradigm shift. Don’t let society determine how your loved one will be remembered. The suicide was a moment in time; suicide does not get to define a lifetime.

It is paramount that your love for your loved one supersedes any concerns about societal impressions regarding suicide. The most important thing is the love that you shared, and that you recognize his soul in its utmost form: without the baggage, without the emotional overlay, without the drama. Really, isn’t that what most of us want anyway? To be seen in our best light without the trappings of whatever we impose upon ourselves in this lifetime?

About Dr. Ruth Anderson
Dr. Ruth Anderson is a lifelong student, teacher, international best-selling, award-winning author, and ordained minister. A retired public school administrator, Ruth devoted her retirement to making a difference in the spiritual lives of others. Her passion is to serve as a conduit between the spiritual and physical realms, sharing knowledge gained from direct experience, and educating others along the way.Ruth is passionate about sharing energetic concepts and her experiences with the Spiritual Divinity. She sees her writing as an extension of the contract she has with Spirit to learn and share with others. She hosts a weekly radio show, Walking with Spirit on the International Angels Network and writes a recurring column for the Shelton Mason County Journal.A spiritual counselor, Dr. Anderson provides individualized, transformational experiences creating connections with the Spiritual Divinity including Divine Mother, Archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael, and incorporating Holy Fire Reiki, and energy work.

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