Choosing Love not Fear: The Best Way to Make Hard Decisions
By Ruth Anderson
I have found the writings of Deepak Chopra to be quite profound. He wrote how people’s actions and reactions come from a place of either fear or love. That understanding of human behavior has answered so many questions for me. It has helped me to understand at a deeper level so that I no longer over-personalize the behaviors of others.
I was fortunate to have a beautiful conversation with a friend today. Jane was extremely concerned because her partner of more than 20 years was entertaining the idea of moving back to her childhood home in a neighboring state. Shar’s mother had passed away recently and her desire to be surrounded by the familiar was having a very strong pull.
Not sure what this meant for their relationship, Jane was frozen, sick at the thought of the possibilities. Shar had invited Jane to move with her, leaving their relationship intact, but Jane was not interested in leaving her community for another state where there would be harsher winters and no friends to call her own.
Jane was digging in her heels and reacting out of fear. It looked like she would either have to lose her relationship or lose her close friendships at home. Fear was causing her to contract with anxiety so that their typically harmonious conversations were now fraught with acrimony and fighting. Both women were feeling unheard, unsupported, and alienated by this new turn of events.
I asked Jane to describe what she saw as her worst-case scenario. What if she actually agreed to move with Shar for a five-year trial period?
What if she were to chose love instead of fear?
Clearly the internet and Skype could help Jane stay connected to her friends, and we would surely be able to travel to spend time together. Taking that concern off the table, what other fears would keep her from moving?
As we discussed the possibility of prioritizing her relationship with Shar, and actually saying yes to the move instead of a resounding no, Jane’s whole world started to open up with possibilities.
I encouraged Jane to imagine giving Shar what she truly desired; to imagine her partner being happy–truly happy–with the thought of being able to have it all.
From this new perspective, coming from love, Jane was able to see a possible financial gain. They could rent out their home here while living elsewhere. This would allow them both the escape clause of keeping their home in case they moved and realized it wasn’t what they were hoping for.
No longer in resistance, Jane started describing the positive aspects of Shar’s childhood home: the quarter-sawn hardwood floor covered for decades under carpet and the front porch begging for chairs to sit in so they could enjoy the garden. Then there was the spacious backyard backing up to a river, the hometown feel of the surrounding community, and the possibility of retiring in a smaller, close-knit town.
Shar had a network of lifelong friends and acquaintances who would welcome them as a couple and provide a ready-made social life. Jane then recalled how she had watched deer amble across the property and heard the beautiful songs of the striking red cardinals. We don’t have red cardinals in our state, and I was finding myself feeling just a little bit envious of their potential future home.
By the time she left me, Jane was excited to go home and share the news with Shar that she was now willing to embark on this journey with her. Jane was no longer going to be reacting out of fear but would be putting their relationship–their love–over all the other move-related concerns.
Watching Jane’s turnaround made me consider my own life. How often do I react out of fear rather than from a place of love? How can I make a concerted effort to choose love as demonstrated by my actions and words?
With gratitude to Jane, I will continue to ponder Deepak Chopra’s words:
“Replace fear-based thinking with love-based thinking. Every time you are making a choice, ask yourself if it’s going to cultivate the experience of unity and love or the experience of separation and stress.”
About Dr. Ruth Anderson
Dr. Ruth Anderson is an award-winning, international best-selling author and founder of Enlightened World. Retired after a satisfying and worthwhile career in special education and public school administration, Ruth embraced her second calling, that of an author and spiritual counselor. After becoming a Reverend of the Church of Inner Light, she was given a ministry to witness and participate in the healing of souls with and without bodies in the ethereal realm called Open Clinic. Ruth serves as a conduit for the Spiritual Divinity and shares their teachings in an authentic and open manner.
Author of One Love: Divine Healing at Open Clinic, Walking with Spirit: Divine Illuminations on Life, Death and Beyond, and Listening to Light: Love Letters from Walking with Spirit, Ruth is passionate about sharing her experiences with the Spiritual Divinity and Divine Healing Beings.
Believing that lightworkers are often isolated and distracted from sharing their gifts, Ruth was inspired to create Enlightened World. Enlightened World Online and Enlightened World Network serve to support lightworkers in building their professional visibility so they can get back to sharing their talents with the world, at a time when it is desperately needed.
Website: The Ministry Online
Facebook: The Ministry Online
YouTube: Watch Ruth Anderson’s video at Enlightened World Network
